Be Here Now

When I was 24, I read a book that changed my life.  It was called Nothing Special: Living Zen, by Charlotte Joko Beck, an American who became a Zen teacher in her 40's.  It taught me that we put all kinds of desperate importance on things that are ultimately meaningless, we perpetuate our own turmoil by clinging self-righteously to our emotions, and that we are equally responsible for any bad relationship we're in, with partners, siblings, parents, bosses or strangers.  

The book helped me transform many relationships, and to evolve from a child mind to an adult mind, from naivety to mindfulness.  It completely changed the way I see people, for better or for worse.  There is a line in the book about how Zen is like a melting ice cube - once you start living mindfully, you can't go back.  This is true, and it's kind of annoying.  I feel like I live in the real world, while everyone around me lives in a carefully constructed illusion - one that's designed to keep out fear and pain but in reality only brings it in truckloads. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm no Bodhisattva.  I just know that I alone am responsible for me.  I try to approach every day with wonder and humility, and be thankful, because it's a rare and totally random gift to be alive.  I also know that, as a highly charged, hot blooded, feisty, opinionated woman who feels everything right down to my core, it's not always easy to step back from my emotions, but I've at least learned to own them, instead of foisting onto others the blame and responsibility for how I feel.


Joko Beck says "when nothing is special, everything can be", and I append that with a line from Albert Camus' essay on Sisyphus: "there is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn".  Joko Beck says that we miss the true beauty of life when we try to control it or blame others for things not turning out the way we wanted them to.  When we realise that absolutely everything is meaningless - including our own feelings - we begin to see the real miracles.  As for Camus, the outcome of any situation depends on how you look at it.  


Ultimately, you are the master of your own happiness.  If you lay about all miserable and angry because of other people's decisions, wage psychological battles for the upper hand with people close to you, always have an excuse for not achieving your potential, or constantly tell yourself "it's someone else's fault" - then you will reap what you sow.  On the other hand, taking responsibility for your own emotional well being reaps much more than it sows - it cultivates happiness in others, smoothes the road ahead, and draws positive energy into your life.  Strange how simple it is, and even stranger how many people choose the harder path...